May 2013
201 posts
newpope:
rapidashery:
newpope:
my alarm is going off upstairs
i dont want to have to go up the stairs but its obnoxious
decisions
looks like youve gotten yourself into an…alarming situation
this is not the time for puns
teen pregnancy is more acceptable than being gay and that’s really sad
marieleafbread:
the parents from Easy A are essentially what’ll happen when people from tumblr start procreating
laugh-addict:
take a moment to realize you have never seen your face in person, just reflections and pictures
whimsicalspecks:
akitron:
buttlarious:
tumblr is boring today better go check tumblr
#I literally get bored and close tumblr only to reopen tumblr
poopflow:
ah yes i have finally found it
the g spot
thewonderlessyears:
thewonderlessyears:
the girl sitting next to me in class is wearing the same shirt as me in a different colour and we keep awkwardly looking at each other like do I say something or just sit here help
i said ‘nice shirt’ and she said ‘better than yours’ i’m done
tennants-companion:
so I was forced to go to church and all these babies were screaming and I said “we wouldn’t be having this problem if the church supported abortion” and the guy next to me almost had a heart attack
jpierrepontcriss:
my mom was pulling into a parking space today and she asked “am i relatively straight?” and i said “i think that’s something you need to decide for yourself” and she told me to walk home
waitinforthebus:
what a great nap, i feel totally disoriented and i’m frothing with hate
“I am not the first person you loved.
You are not the first person I looked at...”
– Clementine von Radics, Mouthful of Forevers (via adderalldust) (via fl0at-on-anyway)
coelasquid:
Once I set a computer’s language settings to Canadian to see if it would stop telling me I was spelling colour wrong and all it did was make it so every time I tried to use a question mark I got an é instead.
Me: There was an earthquake this morning and we slept through it.
Boyfriend: No I woke up, but I thought I had just farted and so I went back to bed.
stayyyyoungg:
has anyone ever realized that drinking water is like taking a shower on the inside of your body.
ive spent way to much time on tumblr today.
the-lonely-scottish-guy:
‘stop being overdramatic’ they say
‘i dont know what you mean’ i say as i descend from the ceiling, surrounded by mist
alxesi:
will.i.pm
adventuresonpaper:
I’ll come back for you i whisper as i caress the books i can’t afford
dont ask me if im being sarcastic because most of the time i dont even know
windydude:
it does not rain in south east asia, it singapours
forever-classyx:
Oh my gosh people, be nice to your waiter/waitress, it’s not their fault that your food is cold or if it’s under cooked. Be nice to the cashiers who are still training and can’t ring up your items as quickly as you want. If a stranger smiles and says hello to you, smile and say hello back! It’s just common courtesy, I don’t understand why people have to be so rude.
lauren-sevenfxld:
godheadcomplex:
if i ever tell you that something is my favorite song dont listen to me im a fucking liar i have more favorite songs than there are babies in china
this is 10000000% accurate
wizardsandhijack:
hospitalf0rsouls:
Omfg so if Mary had baby Jesus, and baby Jesus was the Lamb of God…
did Mary have a little lamb?
you broke the world
zubat:
I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know what is wrong with your car’s engine but if you open and close the hood like this, it looks like the car is talking
“high school will be the best four years of your life”
“college is so much better”
the-barricade-girl:
oh sweet jesus
oh sour jesus
oh BBQ jesus
oh cool ranch jesus
oh doritos locos tacos jesus
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:
3-2-1queer:
When I was in fifth grade I realized I liked girls but I was like “that’s a problem for another day” and literally forgot about it and then in like eleventh grade I was like “oh my god”
YOU PROCRASTINATED REALIZING YOUR SEXUALITY THAT’S IT YOU WIN YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF THE PROCRASTINATORS i bow to you
When I've had a few drinks & see someone really...
whatshouldwecallme:
tumblr is like egypt nobody understands us and we worship cats
inbox:
Like a good neighbor, I do not care
